DEAR IDA: My husband and I have been married for 22 years, and for most of that time, we’ve handled money together without much trouble. But now he wants to help his adult son with car payments, and I’m worried it will turn into one more monthly expense we can’t really afford. I don’t want to sound cold, but I also don’t want our retirement plans to get pushed aside because we feel guilty saying no. How do I tell him that helping grown children has to have limits? – Signed Retirement Worries

DEAR RETIREMENT WORRIES:  According to a 2025 report by Savings.com, the number of parents that provided a child older than 18 with at least some financial support reached 50%. That’s up from 47% in 2024 and 45% in 2023. The average amount of assistance provided rose to a three-year high at $1,474/month and working parents who support grown kids contribute over two times more money each month to their adult children than they do to retirement funds.

Before agreeing to offer financial assistance, parents should sit down with their children and go over their child’s finances. Make a condition of offering the assistance be that you have a monthly meeting to see how your child is managing their money and make them cut out any unnecessary expenditures. If your child has countless subscriptions, an overpriced phone plan, or eats out more than at home, chances are they can afford to pay for their basic needs and simply need a reality check.

Deciding to help a family member financially is not a decision that should be made lightly or without giving serious consideration on how that assistance will impact your own finances. Even if your husband’s son is not your biological child, you should get a say in the amount of assistance and its duration if the assistance is going to impact your finances. Let your husband know that you are not against helping but you want to ensure that your own finances are not put in jeopardy.

The reason why your husband wants to assist his son with car payments should be taken into consideration. If he needs a reliable vehicle in order to stay employed, assisting him with those payments could be the best option rather than risking him losing his job and in turn needing help with keeping a roof over his head. If there are grandchildren involved, having reliable transportation can make a difference between being able to participate in after-school activities or being able to make doctor’s appointments.

If the assistance is because your husband’s son purchased a vehicle with unrealistic monthly payments, ask your husband to explore options for selling the vehicle and purchasing one that is within his son’s monthly budget. Trading down to a more affordable vehicle will likely also lower his son’s insurance costs, which will free up some funds for making additional payments or putting money into a rainy-day fund.

If helping your husband’s son financially is the only viable option, ask your husband to sit down with you to discuss the amount of financial support, how long he will provide it and from where the funds will come to ensure that the assistance will not impact your ability to cover your own bills, savings, and retirement contributions.