Caught Between Rules and Real Life

DEAR IDA: I’m a 41-year-old divorced mom of two, and I feel like I’m parenting in a world that no longer makes sense. My kids’ school just rolled out a new “phone and screen” policy, but half the parents ignore it, and now my teenagers insist I’m the only “strict” mom because I’m trying to follow the rules. Between group chats, social media drama, and kids sneaking extra phones in their backpacks, I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle just trying to keep them safe and focused. I’m exhausted from checking their apps, arguing about screen time, and worrying about what they’re seeing online—but if I ease up, I’m scared I’ll miss something important or dangerous. How do I set sane, healthy limits around phones and social media without turning my kids into sneaky experts at hiding things from me—or becoming the “mean mom” everyone complains about? – Ann Marie

DEAR ANN MARIE: Being a parent has never been easy. Today’s technology brings on challenges that no generation of parents have faced before yet the path to raising successful, independent children remains the same. Open and honest communication is key for any relationship. Children, regardless of age, need to understand the dangers of social media. Engage in conversations with your kids about the kinds of things they are seeing on the Internet and how seeing those things makes them feel. Allow your children a say in what the guidelines for their social media usage entails. Help them to develop healthy habits with screen time by modeling those same healthy habits.

Once you’ve established the family parameters for social media/Internet usage, let your children know that you will be monitoring their usage and give them an opportunity to check your usage as well. It will likely take work, but be consistent in your check-ins and in cutting back on your own social media usage and screen time. You can check out the parental control app mobicip which has three pricing tiers ranging from $2.99 – $7.99/month that includes features such as website and app blocker, family locator, social media monitoring, setting screen time limits, and activity reports. You can also check out additional options at the website consumervoice.org.

Don’t brush off your kids’ frustrations with the new rules. Being rebellious is almost a rite of passage for teenagers. Think back to when you were a teenager and the ways that you longed for independence and pushed the envelope to get it. Having an open and honest conversation with your kids about respecting authority even when they don’t agree with policies, and equipping them with coping skills is vital. Give them an opportunity to explain why the school’s policy bothers them. Ask them to look for the benefits of having phone restrictions during school hours. Talk about the potential repercussions if the policy is violated. If there will be a punishment beyond what the school enforces, use measured penalties and be consistent in enforcing them.