DEAR SUZY IN DERIDDER:  It sounds like there’s a creep in your life that you need to confront, and I’m not talking about your husband. Oftentimes, unresolved hurts have a way of creeping into our daily lives, turning us into people that we don’t recognize or even like. For some of us, our moods tend to darken around the same time each year, perhaps in the month that our first love broke our heart or when we lost a loved one. In times like these, simply acknowledging that you are sad or irritable without really knowing why can help de-escalate an argument.

 

For others, it’s when someone unintentionally touches a nerve about a deep-rooted insecurity. If your husband is of a certain age, he may be experiencing changes in his bodily functions like lower testosterone levels or prostate changes which make him feel less masculine. If you think your husband may be feeling some insecurities about his health, Harvard Health Publishing has a helpful article on how men can deal with the grief of physical decline. 

 

Suppressed feelings of inadequacy from something that happened at work could also be triggering the need to have more control at home. According to the website Psychology Today, troublesome arguments, especially between loved ones, are thinly disguised power struggles and that the most potent way to free relationships from the grip of power struggles is for each partner to regulate their core value internally, so it is never at stake and can never be diminished by an interaction. 

The most important thing is to find a way to communicate your concerns to your husband. You can take a quiz on the website marriage.com that looks at key relational patterns, including communication, emotional closeness, trust, conflict habits, physical connection, and shared direction to help you identify the area of your relationship that deserves the most attention.